


The Cloud Messenger

by quercus



Series: The Bhadra Trilogy [3]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-07-04
Updated: 2002-07-04
Packaged: 2017-10-05 02:14:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/36684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quercus/pseuds/quercus





	The Cloud Messenger

Daniel stepped through the stargate's event horizon, staggered a bit, and then straightened. Jack and Skaara were already there, and behind him General Hammond followed, then Sam and Teal'c. The six of them stood for a moment on the platform, looking around at the crowd waiting silently. The air was bitingly cold, and Daniel's breath puffed out in white clouds as he waited for Jack to lead the way down the steps. Less than a moment later, Suryodaya came through, in the coffin the SGC had provided for her body, carried by an honor guard. They, too, paused for a moment, staring around them, before the general, Sam, and Jack saluted. The honor guards stood taller, and the event horizon collapsed behind them.

Just then Daniel saw Evu; slightly behind him was Suryodaya's partner Praaba, whom Daniel had called Rani-di, or Other Mother in their language. He felt he no longer had the right to do so, however. He sighed and stepped forward to meet them.

"Daniel-ba," Evu whispered, and embraced him fiercely. Daniel shut his eyes; he was humiliated by Evu's kindness. He thought that, were circumstances reversed, he would blame the bearers of his mother's body. But Evu hadn't. Not when he and Jack had first come back to Bhadra, alone, to tell Evu and Praaba the terrible news, and not now, now that he'd had time to reflect.

"Evu-ba," he said, patting Evu's back. He opened his eyes to find Praaba watching him closely. Her eyes were red, and she looked frail standing next to Jack and Teal'c and even Hammond's vigorous health. "I'm so, so sorry," he said, for what had to be the hundredth time.

Evu sniffed and pulled away. "Oh, oh, not your fault," he said, but it was. Jack and Daniel had specifically asked that Suryodaya come to Abydos with them. If they hadn't, she would still be alive, working in her beloved pumping station in Harishdadiv, going home to Praaba each night and waiting for news of their son as he traveled Bhadra.

"I'm sorry," Jack said, and his voice was like rust. Evu reached for him, a little more shyly than he had for Daniel, but put one hand on Jack's shoulder and shook it gently.

"We will take Manu home now," was all Evu said, though. The crowd parted, still silent, and their small procession started up again, this time to the train station. Some people that Daniel didn't recognize led the way, then Praaba and Evu, Evu holding tightly to her, then General Hammond and Skaara, and then the honor guard with Suryodaya. Once they passed, SG-1 followed.

Daniel was painfully aware of the people around them, watching them closely. Judging them, he supposed, and finding them terribly lacking. He knew that Suryodaya had found the few people from earth she'd met very sad, and that her impression of earth was that it was a terrible place. Which, in fact, it was. Suryodaya had been right. But his agreement didn't make his acknowledgment any easier.

It was quite a distance to the train station, but they had no trouble finding it. The streets were thronged with an eerily silent crowd, watching them. Behind them, Daniel heard the stargate's wormhole engage again, and he knew that SG-16 was coming through, bringing supplies and gifts with them.

For what else could they do? They couldn't bring home Suryodaya. Only a few sad gifts, vain attempts to assuage her family and friends' grief.

At last they boarded the train, a special car set aside for their entourage, Daniel saw. By then he was shivering violently, even beneath his heavy coat and layers of clothing. He couldn't imagine what the temperature would be in Harishdadiv, so near the pole. At least the train was heated and pressurized, and he took a deep breath of warm, heavily oxygenated air when he stepped aboard.

Daniel had never been involved with something like this -- escorting a body home, in such ceremony. He was more than a little unnerved by the solemnity of the occasion. Jack, Sam, and General Hammond were dressed in their wool uniforms, Teal'c wore the robes of Chulak, and he wore his best suit, the one he'd worn to Omoc's funeral. It felt strange to be off-world and not in the baggy BDUs he'd grown used to over the years.

The coffin was settled at the very front of the car, with Suryodaya's family seated near it. Behind them sat Skaara, representing Abydos, and General Hammond. Daniel was both amused and pleased to see Skaara in a position of such responsibility and honor. Sha'uri would have been so proud of him, just as Daniel was.

Jack sat just behind Skaara and the general, and Daniel crowded in next to him. It would take them four days to reach Harishdadiv; he wasn't sure how he felt about traveling with Suryodaya's body, her coffin only a few feet away from him for all that time, but he had no choice.

Across the aisle from them, Sam and Teal'c seated themselves; he and Sam exchanged looks as the others settled in, and then Daniel's eye moved onto the quiet, cold world outside. He heard SG-16 load the supplies at the back of the car, and watched through the windows as they stepped back and snapped a salute. Saluting the body, he supposed. At last, the doors sealed shut, and the train slowly drew away from the station. Daniel knew from past experience that once they were away from Calladiv and onto the plains of Bhadra, their speed would be enormous, faster than any ground transportation on earth, but for a while, they trundled through the outskirts of Calladiv, and he had time to reflect on the similarities of cities through time and the galaxy.

For there were similarities: the poorer families lived near the tracks, even on this egalitarian world and near this silent train. Cities never just began and ended, but trailed out into rurality, just as Calladiv did. And even on resource-poor Bhadra, they were passing abandoned stuff, the debris of civilization. The substance of Daniel's life-work.

Then Sam caught his eye again, and he saw that she was worried about him. He gave her a small smile, and she nodded slightly. She was a good friend, and had been devastated by the news of Suryodaya's death. As were all who'd met her. A small, busy, kindly woman who'd left her world to help another and had met only violent death for her actions.

Karma, Daniel thought. In Sanskrit, it meant _work_, and Suryodaya had done wonderful work. The plans she'd left for the oasis near Nagada would be completed; Kasuf had already named the pumping station after her. And even in death, she'd succeeded in bridging a tie between her world and two others, as evidenced by the occupants of this car.

Daniel sighed, and turned to look past Jack's sharp profile out onto the outskirts of Calladiv. Four days of this. Without turning his head, without really moving, Jack contrived to sit nearer to Daniel, so their hips and thighs were touching. Daniel slid his hand under a fold of his coat, so it rested on Jack's leg, just above his knee, and was rewarded by a minuscule relaxation of the lines on Jack's face.

Four days. Four days of this enforced companionship among strangers. He sighed and stared at the writing on the door to the next car. He'd already learned the alphabet; it was very like Devanagari, each letter barred at the top. A pretty language, he thought, and began to spell out the words.

Before he could fall too deeply into the language, Suryodaya's family began re-arranging themselves. "You understand that we mean no disrespect to your customs?" Evu asked him, twisting around from the seat to look at the them.

After an awkward silence, General Hammond said, "This is your mother's funeral; you must do what you think best."

Evu nodded. "Oh, oh, yes. Of course." He spoke softly to his other mother, who also turned around.

"Will you join us?" she asked.

Again there was a pause, and then the general said, "It would be our honor." Praaba smiled at him, and rose.

"Gate, gate, paragate, parasamgate," she said, and wiped her eyes. The others rose and, after a few seconds hesitation, so did SG-1, the general, and Skaara. They began pushing the seats back and down, so they folded into the exterior walls of the car, and then spread colorful fringed shawls and cushions. Jack and Skaara helped carry wicker baskets from the back of the car, and then everyone settled onto the cushions. To Daniel's surprise, even the general did, with Skaara hovering on one side and Evu on the other, watching to see if he needed help.

Small candles were lit and the bright interior lights of the car extinguished; Daniel could see into the other cars now. Night was falling rapidly as they headed north through the flat and featureless landscape of central Bhadra.

"Do you understand what's going on, Doctor Jackson?" the general asked him quietly. Daniel bit his lip and watched the activity around them. Shanshi and Beru from Suryodaya's rusocomia were there; Shanshi handed out cups of a slightly fizzing beverage while Beru sliced bread and set out pots of warm soft cheese to spread on it. Beru smiled at Daniel as he passed him a thick slice of bread. "You must join us," he said, and Daniel obediently took a bite.

At last they were all settled, even Jack, his bad knee propped on a low cushion. Daniel turned to Evu. "Would you explain this ceremony?"

Evu smiled at him. "In Calladiv, mourning is very formal. They do not eat for seven days, and only drink water in the evening and morning. Very strict.

"But Harishdadiv is different. Now we celebrate my mother's life. She loved to eat and to drink, and she loved her rusocomia. She loved Harishdadiv, and the Elders are here." He gestured toward the people accompanying, two men and a woman. "This is Kundunbigala-bik, Shariputra-bik, and Prajnaparamita-bik. They represent Harishdadiv."

"We were very fond of Suryodaya," Prajnaparamita-bik said, and although she was smiling, Daniel saw the tears in her eyes.

"Suryodaya asked us to do something for your world," Kundunbigala-bik said. He was younger than the other two Elders, but carried himself with enormous gravitas. Daniel knew instinctively that he was first among equals. "She asked us to invite your world to send people to live among us in Harishdadiv. She believed you could learn from us."

Daniel looked to the general for assistance. "We would be very interested in doing so," General Hammond told Kundunbigala-bik. "My government would have to make the decision, of course; I'm not empowered to do so. But I will carry Suryodaya's request back to them."

Kundunbigala-bik nodded solemnly. "You yourself would be welcome among us."

"I'm sorry," Daniel interrupted them. "I didn't introduce you. This is General George Hammond. He is our, uh, our leader."

"Please call me George."

Kundunbigala-bik bowed. "And I am Kundunbigala, George." Daniel felt his lips twitch with suppressed amusement; he knew he'd be tutoring the general in pronunciation of Bhadran names later.

"What does the suffix 'bik' mean?" he asked.

Kundunbigala-bik looked at his co-workers, and then at Evu, who said, "A term of respect for someone who lives for the community, rather than in the community." Daniel wondered if it was related to the Sanskrit term for "monk," but he didn't have enough data to reach a conclusion yet.

Daniel turned to Jack, who looked tired. "Why don't you lie down," he murmured. Jack shook his head, but Evu had overheard.

"Oh, oh yes, Jack-ba, you must. We have a long way to go. You should be comfortable. Change clothing, if you wish. We will take turns sitting up with Manu." Daniel realized that Evu and Praaba were using Suryodaya's coffin as a backrest, and that while he'd been speaking with the general and Kundunbigala-bik, someone had spread an especially brightly colored shawl over it, and nearly a dozen candles flickered in their transparent pots on top of it.

"You should rest, Colonel," General Hammond said. "Consider that an order." Jack flushed slightly, but obediently lay back, then curled onto his side. Daniel leaned over him and pulled up the shawl he was lying on so it draped over him like a blanket.

"Thanks, Daniel," he said. For an unbearable moment they stared at each other, and Daniel knew that Jack wanted to rest his head against Daniel's thigh, and Daniel wanted to stroke Jack's hair until he fell asleep. He ached to touch him, to comfort him, a genuine physical ache that constricted his breathing. At last he looked away, to find Evu and Praaba watching him sadly. To cover his embarrassment, he took another big bite of the bread he still held in his hand.

When they'd finished eating, and their utensils had been tucked away, Evu brought out several bottles of wine. Sam and Teal'c sat opposite Daniel; he saw them touch their cups lightly before drinking. Skaara yawned hugely, and the general found a pillow for Skaara's head, so he too was soon asleep, rocking in the gentle motion of the train. The general was watching everything, and Daniel realized again what an observant and careful man he was.

Daniel was worried, he admitted to himself, about what would happen when they finally reached Harishdadiv. Would they do the ritual again? What would the general learn if they did? He glanced down at Jack sleeping beside him, still recovering from the wound he'd received on Abydos trying to save Suryodaya. He wouldn't give up Jack. That was no longer possible, to renounce his feelings for Jack. He sighed. Sufficient unto the day, he reminded himself.

"Daniel." He looked up to find Kundunbigala-bik studying him. "We will begin the carati now. Do you wish to join us?"

He turned to find Evu and Praaba, who were watching him. "We would like that, Daniel," Praaba said, and he nodded.

"I don't know how."

"We will teach you. George?"

The general straightened up and sighed; Daniel thought he might have been falling asleep. Sam was slouched against Teal'c; they both sat up. Teal'c had been in kel-no-reem, Daniel saw, and Sam wiped the sleep from her eyes.

"Only say this," Kundunbigala-bik instructed them. "'Om gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha.' It does not matter when or how. Put your focus on the sound the words make, in your body and in the air. Do not let the others distract you; they will be focused on themselves."

"Om gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha," Daniel said, and then looked at the general.

"Om gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha," he said very creditably, and Daniel smiled at him. Sam and Teal'c each said the phrase, which Daniel recognized as a longer version of what Praaba had said earlier, as a kind of blessing before the meal. When Kundunbigala-bik was satisfied that all those awake could pronounce and remember the phrase, he nodded.

"We will say this continuously until we arrive at Harishdadiv. You must not feel obligated to do as we do, but Suryodaya did wish you to learn our customs."

"Especially you, Daniel-ba," Evu told him, "and your ves'tacha. Manu wished this."

Daniel's ves'tacha sighed and raised his head. "M'wake," he mumbled, and Daniel helped him sit up.

"You should be resting," Kundunbigala-bik told him sternly.

Jack scrubbed at his face and then looked evenly at him. "I'm fine." Daniel watched them argue it out silently, and then Kundunbigala-bik nodded once, sharply.

"Can you say 'om gate gate paragate parasamgata bodhi svaha'?" Daniel asked him softly.

Jack hesitated, and then said, "I will. Just let me hear it a few times."

"Very well," Kundunbigala-bik said. He looked at Praaba and Evu. "We have broken our fast, and Suryodaya is at last among family. We are going home, to Harishdadiv. Is there anything else you desire?"

Evu and Praaba glanced at each other, and then shook their heads. "Only that there would be no reason for this," she said. Daniel saw Jack drop his head. Forgetting where he was for a moment, he reached out to Jack's hand next to him, but Jack gave him a stern look and he jerked back as if burnt. Not here, he told himself, blushing.

"Om gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha," Kundunbigala-bik said, and a breath later Beru repeated it. Then Shanshi, and Shariputra-bik, and Prajnaparamita-bik, and Evu, and Praaba, and then Daniel heard Teal'c's baritone. Soon everyone, even Jack, was quietly repeating the phrase.

A meditation, Daniel realized. The words shifted in his head; he felt them sinking into a different part of his brain that usually puzzled out languages, the part that led to the surprise discoveries. He remembered when he and Sha'uri were puzzling out a common language, how he'd stared at her beautiful, intelligent face and she at him, as if they could somehow _see_ the words and their meaning. So many years ago, so many heartbreaks ago.

The train rocked on, the words washed over him just as the flickering light of the candles did. He saw the general give up and lie down next to Skaara; Shanshi covered him with a shawl and whispered something to him. To Daniel's surprise, the general blushed and nodded, and then Shanshi removed his shiny shoes and covered his feet tenderly.

Sam fell asleep against Teal'c, who sat as straight as Kundunbigala-bik and intoned the doubly alien words as if they were a part of his daily kel-no-reem. Daniel leaned against the folded seat behind him, and let his hand touch Jack's thigh. This time Jack didn't pull away, didn't give him a warning look, but covered his hand with his own, and then lay down again, drawing the shawl back over himself. He put his face next to Daniel's thigh and closed his eyes, and Daniel permitted himself to sink his fingers into Jack's hair and then rested his hand there, cupping the tender curve of Jack's skull, so fragile, so dear to him.

"Om gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha," he said, and yawned. "Om gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha." He fell asleep like that, listening to the others while the sound rose up around him, informing his dreams, the words washing over him like sweet rain on dry world.

He woke to find Kundunbigala-bik still chanting. Praaba was asleep in Evu's arms, although Evu was still awake and chanting, staring at a candle burning before him. Sam was awake and gave him a sleepy smile; she, too, chanted, along with Skaara. The general, Jack, and even Teal'c remained asleep. Daniel glanced at his chronometer; it was still hours before dawn would come, but they'd be pulling into the next city by then. He hoped he could take a break and maybe even shower, or at least brush his teeth.

Skaara looked at him across the candles burning; in the dim light, Daniel saw how strongly he resembled his lost sister. On Abydos, Skaara and Kasuf had arranged a ceremony for Suryodaya, very similar to the funeral they'd held for Sha'uri. The general and several SG teams had attended; Major Davis from the Pentagon had been there, too, on one of his few off-world excursions. "A woman of valor," Skaara had said of Suryodaya. "Of love and compassion," Kasuf had said. "A friend," Jack had said, the quiet words revealing his pain more than an eloquent eulogy would have.

And now they were here, all but Kasuf, who had remained on Abydos to oversee the completion of Suryodaya's pumping station, which would be augmented by the recently-discovered water at El Fayoum. He'd sent Skaara as ambassador, Daniel's little brother, who watched him calmly, without judgment. With love.

Daniel shifted; his butt ached from sitting for so long and he needed to pee. Jack opened his eyes and stretched, then sat up on his elbows. He looked up at Daniel and smiled, a slow sexy smile that Daniel recognized from their bedroom. He felt himself blushing again. Only Jack could do that to him. Jack sat up, scratched his neck, and said, "Where's the little boy's room?"

Daniel stood, and helped Jack up; he could tell by the way Jack moved that he was stiff and uncomfortable. When they were alone in the facilities, Jack sighing with relief as he pissed and Daniel doing the same, they shared a look again. "Damn," Jack said, and shook himself.

Yeah. Daniel agreed. Damn, damn, and damn. But this was their decision, it was the life they had chosen. Or that had chosen them, Daniel wasn't really sure.

"What's that we're saying out there, anyway?"

"I've been working on that. You know their language is from the Sanskrit," and Jack nodded. "I would translate it as 'Gone, gone, gone beyond, gone completely beyond.'"

"And that means . . ."

Daniel shrugged. "I can make some guesses, but we should ask Kundunbigala-bik."

"Make your guesses."

"I don't think they believe in any kind of afterlife, the way Christians do. I think it's a transcendental kind of spirituality, rather than a religion."

"So they're saying Sury's just -- gone?"

"Yes. I think so."

Jack looked thoughtful as he dried his hands, and then squirted out lotion to rub into them. One thing they'd learned on their visits to Bhadra was to use the creams and lotions provided everywhere. The viciously dry air would crack open your skin and infections could easily set in. The lotion smelled a little like grapefruit, clean and relaxing.

"So we're gonna chant all the way to Harishdadiv?"

"That's what Kundunbigala-bik said."

"And what does 'ves Tok'ra' mean?"

"Ves'tacha. Um, I think it means 'beloved.'"

"Oh, that's great."

"Well, it's not as though General Hammond speaks Sanskrit."

"Yeah, but he could ask Evu, couldn't he?"

Daniel stared at Jack. "What will we do?" he asked.

Jack stared back at him, then dropped his head back. "Fuck if I know, Danny," he finally said. "I'm worried about that fossil water ritual."

"Yeah, me, too," he admitted. What would they do? More importantly, what would the general do? But that was outside their control. They'd made their decision. Hadn't they?

He looked carefully at Jack, who still looked tired and too thin. The infection had taken a lot out of him, as had the death of Suryodaya. She'd actually died in his arms, and Daniel deeply wished he could have been there with Jack, to comfort him. They'd both liked Suryodaya very much, and they had both asked her to come to Abydos with them.

"We better get back," Jack said. Daniel put a hand on Jack's shoulder so he paused, his face near enough that Daniel could feel his breath brushing against Daniel's cheek. But what could he say? What comfort could he offer Jack? Only his presence. Only his love. After a few seconds, he dropped his hand, and they wandered out the maze-like opening from the bathroom back into the main body of the car.

The general was awake now, as were Skaara and Teal'c. A little primus-like stove had been set up and a tea kettle was beginning to hiss over it. Some of the others continued to chant while Beru and Shanshi took care of the small domestic chores. Daniel found the ceremony comforting; it was grounded in meeting the bodily needs of the living: sleep, warmth, food, hot drinks on a cold night. The comfort of familiarity, and of family.

"I will show you," Evu said to the general. Daniel watched as Hammond shook out his legs and adjusted his clothing; it was obvious he hadn't had enough sleep. Well, none of them had, and there were three days still to go. The three men headed to the back of the car, where Jack and Daniel had just been.

"Tea, Daniel?" Praaba asked him, and he gratefully took the mug from her. It was thick and sweet and a little greasy; he supposed it was to counteract the effect of the extreme cold and aridity of the environment. Jack made a face when he tasted his, but gulped it down.

Still Kundunbigala-bik chanted, his voice deeper and softer, rumbling into Daniel's chest and soothing him. He set down his empty cup and lay down, grabbing a scarlet pillow to stuff under his head. Jack lay down near him and they shared the shawl he'd used as a blanket. He was aware of the others talking softly, of Kundunbigala-bik being joined by Evu and Skaara when they returned and had settled the general, of Sam adding her soft voice, and the talking grew into chanting. Gone, gone beyond, completely and utterly gone, he thought. Utterly gone.

~ ~ ~

Jack woke to the sound of chanting and the smell of something cooking. The back of Daniel's head was a few inches from his nose; Jack's breath ruffled the hair peeking out above the scarlet-and-gold shawl wrapped around him. Jack rolled onto his back and wiped his eyes, then sat up on his elbows and looked around.

Still no sign of dawn. The general lay asleep, between Skaara and Evu, who appeared to have appointed themselves his caretakers for this journey. Carter was asleep, too, her head in Teal'c's lap, his hand a striking contrast against her hair, silvery in the candlelight. Praaba was also asleep, curled against Shanshi, who held her tenderly and watched as Beru stirred a pot of something that smelled really good to Jack. His stomach rumbled and he sat all the way up.

The three Elders still sat and chanted softly. He watched them for a while, listening carefully. The same words, over and over and over. Unhurried, relaxed, never glancing at their watches. They just chanted. Kumbaya opened his eyes and looked at Jack, a half-smile on his face. Jack felt himself blush, and smiled back, caught. But caught at what? he wondered. He pulled his legs up, carefully bending his bad knee, and Daniel rolled over to smile up at him.

"Morning," Daniel said, his voice husky with sleep. Jack nodded, feeling a goofy smile take the place of his embarrassed one.

"Day two," he said. Daniel nodded and sat up, rubbing his face. "Let's get ready for breakfast," he suggested, and they folded up the shawls, Jack watching as Daniel's long-fingered hands smoothed out the wrinkles and traced the elaborate patterns of gold thread before setting them down and following Jack to the facilities.

When they returned, everyone was awake, and Beru was handing around bowls of the stew he'd prepared. Jack blew on a spoonful; it was rich and spicy, not a breakfast he was accustomed to, but good and filling. "One of Suryodaya's favorites," Beru told him, watching with approval as Jack tucked into it.

There was bread and sliced fruit and more of the odd tea, and Jack took some of all. For the first time since everything had happened, he was hungry, really hungry, and food tasted good. He supposed that meant he was getting better.

He remembered waking up in Nagada, with Janet Fraiser leaning over him and Daniel standing anxiously at the foot of the low bed. Skaara had been there, too, but in and out, dealing with the mourning families and contacting the SGC while he checked on Jack and worried about Daniel. As soon as Jack could stand, he'd insisted that he and Daniel return to Bhadra, to tell Sury's family. By good luck, Shanshi had been just one city away from Calladiv, where the stargate was located, and she had found Evu in Riekahdiv, working with a group of students.

Jack, Daniel, and Shanshi had taken the train to Riekahdiv, where they had told him the news. Jack closed his eyes against the memory of Evu's face, his shattered voice when he whispered, "Manu?" in disbelief. Shanshi had hugged him, but Evu had stared over her shoulder at Jack, his brown eyes hurt and frightened.

"I promised to take care of her --" Jack had started, but Evu shook his head. He kissed Shanshi and gently disengaged from her embrace.

He had taken Jack's hands, both of them, and folded them together, as if in prayer, then brought them up between them and gazed up at Jack. "Manu was doing as she wished," Evu had told him. He pressed his forehead against Jack's hands for a moment, and then raised his head again. "We must all leave our bodies at some point, Jack-ba. Manu chose her own way."

Jack was stunned by Evu's response, speechless before his forgiveness and acceptance. He swallowed and said, "We'll bring her back to Bhadra, if that's your custom."

"Oh, oh, yes," Evu had said, and released Jack's hands to wipe his eyes. "Yes, we will bring her home to Harishdadiv. I think she would want that, and I know Rani-di would." Shanshi murmured something to him, and slid her arm around his shoulder. "We will go now," Evu said, and they had, Jack and Daniel following them silently back to the train station.

"You okay?" Daniel had whispered to him, and Jack had shrugged. Not really. He had still felt like crap, physically and emotionally. Even Daniel's presence was an irritant, a reminder that Jack couldn't keep anyone he loved safe. He knew himself not to be an introspective man, but couldn't keep from feeling like a failure yet again.

The return of his physical health was cheering. Being in Evu's company the last week had helped, too. Evu clearly missed his mother fiercely, and had wept many times, embarrassing Jack even as it brought tears to his own eyes. Daniel had cried, too, at the ceremony on Abydos, and Jack had known he was remembering Sha'uri. Yet both men seemed stronger and healthier than Jack did to himself. He envied them their apparently easy access to their emotions and their ability to speak Sury's name, invoking her cheerful presence even as they prepared to bring her body back through the wormhole to Bhadra.

Now here they were, from three different worlds, sharing their customs and grief, trying to comfort each other with gifts of food and drink. The supplies the SGC had sent through included champagne from both France and California, cheeses and chocolate, teas from all over the earth, pottery that Daniel had selected, and books about different cultures from earth. "What else can we do?" the general had asked Daniel, who had scratched his neck.

"Just be there with them," he'd finally replied, and so the general came, too, one of his few forays through the gate, both to the ceremony on Abydos and now to the one in Harishdadiv.

The train began to slow, and although the three Elders never ceased chanting, everyone else began to pick up the detritus from their meal. "This is Saudaaminiidiv," Daniel told him. The train was stopping for people in the other cars; their little group would continue on. They had one more city to get through before they would reach Harishdadiv.

"Can we get off for a while?" Jack wondered, and Praaba looked up from where she sat, positioning herself to begin chanting.

"Oh, oh, yes, Jack. Please do not feel you must stay cramped here with us."

That wasn't what he'd meant, but he didn't know how to respond. Daniel said, "Thank you, Praaba. Just for a few minutes. To get some fresh air. Anyone else?"

Teal'c and Sam rose and then, after a moment's hesitation, General Hammond began to get up. Skaara tugged at his arm and helped him into his heavy overcoat. "I'd like to see some of the sights of Bhadra," he told them. Jack nodded approvingly.

The doors retracted silently, but the pressurized cabin exhaled noisily into the gelid air of Saudaaminiidiv's train station. Jack remembered it from their first time here: a large, echoing place, not nearly as handsome as the one in Harishdadiv, but more open.

It was amazingly cold. Jack couldn't imagine what it would be like in Harishdadiv, so much farther north. Even in the station, under its enormous arched roof, he jerked his hood over his head and saw the others do the same, including Teal'c. What a world. Marginally inhabitable by humans, according to Carter, and yet the Bhadrans' ancestors had chosen to come here. Perhaps to hide from the Goa'uld, and Jack admitted to himself he had a hard time seeing the snakes choosing this place as an outpost for themselves.

They walked through the station, towering over the few people they met, until they reached the monumental doors leading to the street outside. Rather than open them, Jack leaned against one, peering through the transparent substance into the scene outside. He felt Daniel step to one side of him, and General Hammond on the other.

The sun was just beginning to rise, casting a thin rosy light over the city streets they could see. Unlike Harishdadiv, Saudaaminiidiv was treeless, built into what was probably an enormous crater. The city circled around the steep walls of the crater, like circles in Hell, only infinitely more pleasant. A few people were out, hurrying by, and across the interior of the crater, Jack saw lights gleaming. People up and having breakfast, no doubt, before hurrying to catch a jitney, like the glowing purple one that silently rolled by.

"Pretty place," Hammond murmured. And Jack thought he was right. It was. Even in its aridity and barrenness, Saudaaminiidiv was beautiful, as were all the cities on Bhadra, each in their own way. A well-ordered world, so different from earth. A planned world, of course, and way under-populated.

"We should go back," Skaara said, sounding a little nervous, and Jack agreed with him. It was too cold here, too early. A bit too alien. He was, he discovered with some surprise, anxious to reach Harishdadiv. Who knew? Harishdadiv had become a kind of home away from home, the way Nagada had. He nodded, and turned away from the view.

General Hammond placed a big hand on his shoulder. "You all right, Jack?"

Fuck, no. But he smiled a little, and nodded. He felt Daniel's presence at his side, bracing him. "Look, Jack," he said, and Jack turned to find him pointing back at the doors. He realized they were frosted in a horizontal pattern meant to mirror the levels of Saudaaminiidiv as it rose above the crater floor.

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"Pretty place," Hammond said again, and they headed back to the train.

From Saudaaminiidiv they headed due north; it would be less than a day to Tabaridiv where, Daniel reminded him, they'd seen the museum the last time. There'd be another brief stop there, and then more than two full days non-stop till they got to Harishdadiv. Till they got Sury home.

They settled in more quickly this time. It had often occurred to Jack how easily people adjusted to new routines, and even to hardship. He wondered how the general was doing with all this sitting on the floor and chanting stuff, but he looked fine. His cheeks were pink from the cold fresh air, and he looked more awake; Beru handed him a mug of tea and Skaara pulled yet another shawl around his shoulders. Hammond smiled his thanks at them both and leaned back against the seat folded into the side of the car behind him. To Jack's surprise, he saw Hammond begin to chant along with Kundunbigala-bik and the others, the mug resting in his lap.

"Om gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha," they all said, and Jack found he was chanting, too. Somehow, after listening to the words for so many hours, in sleep and out, they'd soaked into his bones. He could feel them vibrate in his chest. "Om gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha," he said quietly. "Om gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha."

Beside him, Daniel chanted. Across from him, Sam and Teal'c chanted, too. Everyone in the car chanted, and slowly the words came together, so for the first time they spoke in unison. A warm buzzing grew in Jack's chest, and he felt as if his heart were growing larger and softer. As if he were more open to the world. Tears came to his eyes and he realized he was afraid.

He stopped chanting and gasped for breath, and realized that Kundunbigala-bik was studying him. He gestured at Jack and stood. After a few seconds' hesitation, he also stood and followed the Elder to the back of the car. He felt Daniel's eyes on him, and turned to smile reassuringly at him. Daniel continued to chant, but watched him and Kundunbigala-bik closely.

"Yeah?" Jack said, knowing he sounded like a sulky teenager. This guy couldn't be Daniel's age, yet he was an Elder, of a big city like Harishdadiv?

"You feel something," he told Jack confidently.

"Yeah?" he said again. "Doesn't everybody?"

"You are afraid."

Jack rolled his eyes. "Can I do something for you?"

"Yes." Now he really looked at Kundunbigala-bik. "I have a favor to request of you, Jack. I want you to focus on your chanting until we reach Tabaridiv."

Jack was at a loss. He raised his shoulders defensively. "Why?"

"As a favor to me."

"It doesn't make any sense."

"Perhaps not. And you are under no obligation. But you did ask if you could do anything for me. This is what I would like."

Jack sighed heavily, and put his hand to his forehead. Jesus. "Yeah, sure, you betcha," he said at last. "I'll chant my little brains out till we reach Tabaridiv, okay?"

"Thank you, Jack. It would mean a great deal to me."

Kundunbigala-bik bowed slightly, and then returned to his position against the wall, next to Shariputra-bik and Prajnaparamita-bik. Jack went to the bathroom, more for a moment alone than to pee, and then hitched himself back down to the floor next to Daniel.

"What did Kundunbigala-bik want?" Daniel asked hesitantly.

Jack shrugged. "Wants me to chant."

"But you were chanting; I heard you."

"Well, I guess I wasn't good enough for him, Daniel." But that was unkind, and Jack felt ashamed. "I don't know, Daniel. He just asked me, as a personal favor to him, to chant until we reached Tabaridiv. That isn't that long, is it?"

"No, no. Only a few hours. What did you say?"

"Said I'd do it. Why not? Nothing else to do, unless you got a Sports Illustrated with you."

Daniel smiled at him, and almost took his hand. Jack saw the aborted gesture and Daniel's subsequent blush. Fuck, he hated this. Why couldn't Daniel touch him? Why couldn't he touch Daniel? He looked over at General Hammond, who sat with his eyes closed, still chanting, sipping occasionally at the tea. Skaara, too, sat in a half-lotus, with his eyes closed; he looked as though he belonged here with the Bhadrans, more than the big cumbersome Americans did. Even Teal'c, despite his size, looked at home.

"You okay?"

"Yeah." He smiled at Daniel and lightly touched his hand. Daniel took a sudden deep breath in surprise. "I'm okay. You?"

Daniel smiled back. "Fine. As long as you're okay, I am, too, Jack."

I know, Jack thought. And that is why I don't deserve you. But he didn't say anything, just nodded and watched as Daniel closed his eyes and returned to the chanting. After a nearly a minute, Jack remembered his promise to Kundunbigala-bik, and began to chant again.

The same pressure built in his chest and throat, almost instantly this time. He spoke the words with Daniel, aware of Daniel's presence, not simply at his side, but in his life, in his heart.

The words stopped being words to him and became pure sound, then more than sound; they became a tactile, sensory experience. He felt the gentle rocking of the train beneath him, as if he were being held and rocked by someone who loved him very much. The voices of the others merged again and became a pressure against his ears; he was sure he could feel the vibrations in his ear canal, on the surface of his skin, and he realized his heart was beating in rhythm with the chanting.

Then the chanting itself fell away and became something else. He felt as if he'd stepped into a room, a room that had always been there for him but that for some reason he had never visited. He was aware of an absence in the room, a place waiting to be filled. No tension, no fear, no anticipation; just a quiet certainty that someone would come and that he would then be complete.

Not complete, not complete, not complete, the train rocked him, the words held him up, safely, safely waiting in the empty room, aware of the absence but confident it would be filled.

"Jack?"

He opened his eyes. The train had stopped; from the angle of the sun through the windows, it was afternoon. "Yeah?" he whispered. Daniel handed him a mug of tea and he sipped it gratefully. He must've been chanting for hours.

"We're in Tabaridiv."

He nodded.

"You look sleepy. Why don't you lie down. I'll wake you for dinner."

He swallowed the rest of the tea, and then lay back, his eyes closing again, and he remembered the empty room, and the comfort he found there, waiting for him.

When he woke, everyone else was asleep except the three Elders, softly chanting. His head was on Daniel's shoulder; they'd been sleeping curled together like puppies. He looked at the general, snoring between Skaara and Evu, and decided not to worry about it. This was just one weird road trip.

When he returned from the facilities, Kundunbigala-bik lifted his chin at Jack, so he hunkered down in front of him. After a moment, he began chanting with the Elders. The words were second nature to him now, as if he'd always known them, and almost immediately he felt his body relax and his heart rate slow.

After a while, Kundunbigala-bik said, "Thank you." Jack nodded. "What did you discover?"

Jack paused in his chanting, and sighed. "I didn't know I was gonna be tested." Kundunbigala-bik just looked at him. How could someone so young be so intimidating? Jack finally said, "Uh. It was relaxing." When Kundunbigala-bik continued to stare at him, Jack said, "I'm not really sure what you want. I did like you asked. It felt ­ okay. Really relaxing."

"You need more rest," Kundunbigala-bik said, and, to Jack's surprise, reached out to touch Jack's head. He ducked, but then permitted the intimacy, Kundunbigala-bik's hand stroking the crown of his head. "You will sleep again. Don't wake up until dawn."

"Okay." And he did feel incredibly sleepy. He crawled back to where Daniel lay and tucked himself in next to him. From where he lay, he could see himself and Daniel reflected back in the windows of the train, under absurdly gaudy shawls, the fringes softly tickling his face. Then he fell asleep.

~ ~ ~

Daniel woke to find Jack cuddled next to him, snoring softly. The train was still rocking them, the Elders and others still chanting, candlelight still reflecting from the night-filled windows, and the scent of tea and incense filling the air. He sighed and rolled onto his back, stretching. He put his glasses on and peered around him; General Hammond was asleep, while Skaara and Evu chopped vegetables and Shanshi kneaded bread. Sam and Teal'c were absent, presumably in the facilities. He turned back toward Jack and smiled down at his sleeping friend, tucking the shawl around him before rising to visit the bathroom himself.

Sam was brushing her teeth when he walked in, and smiled at him through the foam. It was like being off-planet. Which, he thought as he pissed, they were.

"How are you?" he asked when he emerged to wash his hands and face. She was brushing her hair; it stuck up in all directions.

"Wishing for some hair spray," she said sadly, and made a face into the mirror.

"It's the cold and lack of humidity."

"Whatever. It's a pain. I should do like Teal'c."

Teal'c looked up from his own ablutions. "You would be just as beautiful with a shaved scalp, Samantha," he told her firmly. Daniel raised his eyebrows; when had Teal'c started calling her "Samantha" rather than "Major Carter"?

"Maybe a hat," she muttered, "or a scarf."

"You know what's weird," Daniel said, surprising himself. The others turned toward him. "We travel through the galaxy, through the wormholes, faster than light. We can communicate faster than light. We fly enormous motherships and death gliders and stuff, but when we finally get where we're going, we walk. Or ride in an old-fashioned train."

Sam laughed. "Oh, Daniel. I've often thought that! Well, not about the train, but about how much we walk. My legs have never been in better shape." She winked at him. "Or your butt."

"Excuse me?" But he was teasing her right back, and she knew it. "Evu and Skaara are making breakfast, I think."

"Good," Sam said decisively, giving up on her hair. "I'm starved. Teal'c?"

"Sustenance would be appreciated."

"Say 'I'm hungry,'" Daniel suggested. Teal'c raised an eyebrow, but remained silent.

Jack was still sleeping when they returned. Praaba was awake, lighting fresh candles on the coffin the SGC had provided for Suryodaya. Daniel checked on Jack and then went to sit near her. She smiled at him and held out her hand; after a brief hesitation, he took it.

"I am glad you are here, Daniel-maadhi," she told him quietly. "Suryodaya was very fond of you. As is Evu, and as am I. You honor us."

"Oh, no," he started, but she shook her head.

"When we first met, you called me 'Rani-di.'"

He felt himself blush. "We thought that was your name. It was rude of me not to ask first."

"Oh, oh, no, I'm not scolding you for that. I'm asking you why you no longer call me that name."

"Well, you said it meant something like 'mother.' We didn't feel we had the right."

She turned to stare into a candle, watching its flame vibrate with the motion of the train. He watched the light flicker across her face. "If I gave you the right . . ."

He blushed more, his face and throat hot. "I would be honored, Rani-di."

Without looking at him, she nodded. "Thank you. I know you have your own family, but in Harishdadiv, we have a bond with others whom we then consider family. Those who make up our rusocomia."

Daniel's mouth was very dry, and he wasn't sure how to respond. Praaba squeezed his hand gently. "You need not feel obligated. And the bond is light, Daniel-maadhi. Not a yoke or a burden." She looked up at him, her brown eyes shiny with tears. "The bond is as light as a feather on your heart."

"Of course," he said, and he felt broken open with compassion and affection for Praaba and Evu and all of Suryodaya's rusocomia.

She smiled at him, sweetly, and for the first time since he and Jack had returned with their terrible news, he relaxed. "We will teach you," she reassured him. "You and Jack."

"Oh, wait," he started, but Skaara handed him a bowl of steaming grains and vegetables, which he passed to Praaba, and then took one for himself. The general and Jack slept on, but the others ate, and then he began to chant as he helped clean up the meal.

Dawn finally colored the windows a pale pink, and, still chanting, he stood to look out over the countryside they were passing through. They were heading straight north now, straight toward the pole and the glaciers of Harishdadiv. He imagined he could see them gleaming in the distance, and perhaps he could. One more day and they'd finally arrive.

Evu came up behind him, and they stood at the window chanting together. "Om gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha," they murmured in unison. Evu's sleeve brushed against his, and Daniel impulsively put his arm around his friend. He barely reached Daniel's shoulder, a slight, dark man who'd lost his mother, and Daniel knew what that was like. "Om gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha. Om gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha. Om gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha."

Gone, gone, gone beyond, he'd translated the words to Jack. Just as almost everyone he had ever loved had gone on, leaving him behind. Only Jack remained, still sleeping peacefully, recovering from what had happened on Abydos.

In the trembling reflection of the dawn-colored windows, he saw Sam and Teal'c behind him, also chanting, watching him and Evu. Sam's face was kind, her eyes swollen, and he knew she'd been crying again. Teal'c was as inscrutably solemn as ever, but standing near enough to Sam that their shapes merged into one in the reflection. The train sped north, and Daniel watched and chanted.

He stopped when Jack finally woke. Giving Evu a light squeeze, he stepped away to kneel at Jack's side. "Hey," he said softly, and knew he had a sappy look on his face. "How you doing?"

Jack sat up, rubbing his face and scalp, his hair sticking up as wildly as Sam's. "Jesus, did I sleep."

"Um, yes, you did, actually."

Jack peeked at him through his fingers, and Daniel would've given almost anything to kiss him. He just smiled, though, and said, "Breakfast is ready."

Later, when Jack had eaten and was settling down to chant, Daniel sat next to him, putting himself between Jack and the others. "What?" he asked suspiciously.

"Um. Rani-di asked us to do something."

"Do what?"

"I'm not sure, but I agreed."

"Daniel --"

"I know, Jack, but we have to. We're responsible." He shouldn't have said that, he thought instantly. Jack's face darkened and he looked away, almost angry. "Jack," he whispered, and put his hand on Jack's arm. "Not like that. It isn't your fault. You did everything you could."

"Not enough, was it," he said, his voice raspy.

"All the more reason to do as Rani-di asks."

Jack sighed heavily, and then nodded. "What?" he asked again.

"To be, um, blood-brothers or something. Members of their rusocomia."

Jack raised an eyebrow, and shrugged. "Sure. If the general says it's okay."

"I already agreed."

"Daniel. It's not our decision."

He felt like saying fuck the military, but he could never say that to Jack. So he nodded. "I'll ask Rani-di to ask General Hammond."

"Good." Jack looked down at Daniel's hand, still resting on his arm, and then covered Daniel's hand with his own. "Good," he said more softly, and Daniel felt the tension leave his shoulders.

Still the train rolled on. Daniel began to feel as though the journey would never end; they'd just go on and on, right over the pole and start heading south again. He was anxious to get out and start walking, meeting people, do the things he normally did on an off-world mission.

And he was finding it more and more difficult not to reveal his feelings for Jack in front of the others. He stared at the general, chanting, talking to Skaara, Evu, Rani-di, and the Elders, and wondered if he'd really care. Hammond was such a gentle man; Daniel couldn't believe he bought into the whole don't ask-don't tell mentality, but he couldn't risk it. Couldn't risk Jack.

Instead, he spent his time chanting and watching Jack chant, using the vibration of the train as an excuse to rub against Jack. He resented the growing intimacy of Sam and Teal'c, because he couldn't sit as close to Jack as Sam did to Teal'c. He couldn't look at Jack the way Teal'c looked at Sam.

Finally, he moved away from the group, to the rear of the car, near the facilities, where he pondered the decisions that had led him to this situation. Sometime during the night, Kundunbigala-bik joined him, and they sat together, chanting, for nearly an hour. When he realized that Kundunbigala-bik was no longer chanting, he opened his eyes to find him studying him gravely. "What can I do for you?" he asked.

"You are unhappy, I think," Kundunbigala-bik told him.

Daniel shrugged and looked away.

"Yes, I see you are. Because of your ves'tacha, I believe." Daniel sighed, and turned back toward Kundunbigala-bik. Like all Bhadrans, he was considerably smaller than Daniel, but he gave off an enormous presence, despite his build and youth. "There is much about your culture I do not understand, Daniel. Suryodaya told us some things, and Evu and Praaba have told us more. But you are very alien to us."

Daniel had to smile at that. "I imagine we are," he said. Kundunbigala-bik smiled back at him.

"And we are alien to you?"

"A little."

Kundunbigala-bik nodded, still smiling. "Jack is very tired," he said, startling Daniel. "You are right to be worried about him. I believe he needs time to recover from this terrible thing."

"Yes," Daniel whispered, staring into Kundunbigala-bik's eyes. "Yes."

"I will do what I can to help him. In the meantime, you must chant, and rest yourself. You cannot help Jack if you are not well."

"I'm fine," he protested, but Kundunbigala-bik held up a hand, palm outward.

"Rest, Daniel, in your heart. Your body cannot rest if your heart is not at ease. You love your friends?"

Again, the change in topic startled Daniel. He looked over Kundunbigala-bik's shoulder, at his friends from the SGC. "Yes," he finally said. "Very much."

"Let your pain go, then. They love you, too." Kundunbigala-bik reached out with his hand, palm still facing Daniel, and lightly touched his chest, just over his heart. "Let it go, Daniel-bik."

Daniel stared into his face. "What do you mean?"

Kundunbigala-bik smiled, and said, "There was a young man, the attendant to a king, who had been negligent in his duties. As punishment, he was exiled for a year and sent far away, to the great mountain city of Sarvamatthidiv. There, he pined away for his beloved, often crying in regret, but sometimes shouting in anger.

"One day, a cloud covered Sarvamatthidiv, like a blanket over a sleeping child. The young man stared up into the rainbows, the water vapor settling on his face to mix with his tears. He was, obviously, a very foolish young man, or he would never have been exiled from his home and beloved, and as foolish young men will do, he spoke to the cloud.

"He begged the cloud to visit his home, far away, taking rain with it and refreshing the land. You must realize," Kundunbigala-bik said, and Daniel realized he was stepping out of the role of the story-teller for a moment, "that clouds and rain are very rare here on Bhadra. We know of them mostly from stories of the old home. So this was a special cloud, a sentient cloud, who listened to the young man's pleas.

"Go, he begged it, and with your beauty and moisture carry a message to my beloved. Say this, exactly as I say it: say that I perceive your body in the vines, your glances in the eyes of the startled deer, the beauty of your face in the moon, your hair in the peacock's feathers and the play of your eyebrows in the delicate ripples on the river. Say that my vision is clouded again and again with copious tears. Cruel fate does not permit our union.

"He said to the cloud: Tell my beloved that, after I return, we two will indulge our own various desires, increased by separation, on nights lit by the full autumn moon. Say: O dark-eyed one, they say that love somehow perishes during separation, but because there is no fulfillment, the love for that which is desired with increasing desire, becomes even more ardent."

Daniel stared down at Kundunbigala-bik, who smiled wisely at him, his face gleaming in the pale morning light. What on earth did the story mean? Was he the young man? Was Jack the beloved from whom he was separated?

"I'm not sure I understand," he finally said.

Kundunbigala-bik only continued smiling, a gentle half-smile of affection and tolerance. "It does not matter, Daniel-bik. Rest now. We will be in Harishdadiv soon, and there will be much to do then."

The train reached Harishdadiv early the next morning. It was still very dark out; they were so far north and it was the dead of winter. Before disembarking, he and Jack helped pack up the shawls and candles and cooking equipment. At last, the train began to slow. General Hammond came to stand next to Daniel as he stared out at the city.

"So this is it," he said, and Daniel nodded. "I read your report several times, Doctor Jackson. I'm looking forward to seeing this place."

"I hope you like it," he said honestly. "I do." They stood in silence until the train finally jerked to a stop. The doors slid opened with an exhalation of air that sounded to Daniel like a heavy sigh, and then cold air rushed in, fogging his glasses.

Harishdadiv. They had brought Suryodaya home.

To Daniel's bemusement, the sun never rose much above the horizon, but seemed to roll around the edges of the world. Dawn lasted all day, and the day lasted only a few hours. It was incredibly cold, too, and his glasses stayed so frosted over he finally tucked them into a pocket; he could see just as well without them. His nose kept freezing shut, too, which he found embarrassing. Fortunately, everybody else's did, too.

Suryodaya's entire rusocomia was at the train station to meet them, and they carried her coffin tenderly to a waiting jitney that glowed in the dark. Daniel sat next to Skaara on the jitney, and Jack in the front with the general; he watched them talking, their heads together, and wondered what their conversation was about.

Skaara said, "Danyel, you are tired, my brother."

"I'm fine," he said, but Skaara gave him a look that reminded him so strongly of Sha'uri that he was instantly silenced.

"You are not," Skaara told him firmly, and he was abashed.

"No. You're right."

Skaara nodded. "I will ask General Hammond that you and Oneel return to Abydos with me. I will see that you are taken care of until you are well."

Daniel was almost ashamed at the rush of gratitude and love he felt for his brother-in-law at that moment. Skaara had been through so much, tortured by the Goa'uld he'd been forced to host for nearly three years, and yet still he looked after Jack and Daniel. He would be a great leader someday, and Daniel suddenly knew that when Skaara came to power, he would ask Daniel to return to Abydos as an advisor. And that he would go.

"Yes, my brother," he said meekly, and was rewarded by one of Skaara's dimpled smiles.

The jitney did not take Suryodaya back to the rusocomia, but out of the city, further north, if Daniel's sense of direction was any good. A long drive, too, after a long train ride; he was tired of sitting, and tired of waiting for whatever was going to happen.

The jitney finally pulled to a halt, at a flat field marked by small stone cairns and what looked like stupas. They stopped at the edge of the field, marked by a stone border painted white, and they filed off, her family and rusocomia carrying the coffin.

To Daniel's distress, they immediately began to open the coffin. He looked to Jack, who was staring at the proceedings, and then pushed his way to Jack's side. "It's okay," he said shakily, and to his surprise, Jack put his arm around Daniel.

"What the fuck are they doing?" Jack whispered.

"They're going to cremate her."

Suryodaya had been wrapped in the Abydonian way, in cerecloth, so she might have been a packet, except Daniel knew it was Suryodaya underneath all the windings. His mouth was dry, and tears kept slipping from his eyes; the result of the cold, dry air, he told himself as he blew his nose yet again. Once the coffin was open and she'd been removed from it, they carried her out onto the plain, Praaba and Evu leading the way to a pyre that had already been prepared. SG-1, General Hammond, and Skaara gathered nearby, watching silently as her body was placed on the pyre. Daniel smelled something, perhaps an accelerant, or incense, or maybe both, as her pallbearers disturbed the wood.

All this time, the chanting hadn't ceased, not since they'd left Calladiv. But when the body was laid out beneath the purple sky, the Bhadrans finally fell silent. Shariputra-bik trailed from the jitney, carrying another bundle: white robes the Bhadrans pulled on over their heads. Then he gave one each to Daniel and Jack, who awkwardly held them.

Evu said, "Will you wear the white robes of mourning with us?" Daniel peeked at Jack from the corner of his eye and found Jack was watching him. They nodded and Daniel shook out the robe. It was soft and heavy, like a thick flannel, but white. It fluttered over his head and he immediately felt warmer and oddly comforted.

He looked at Jack, face just popping through, his grey hair ruffled and wild. Sam helped them both straighten the weighty fabric of the robes that, on them, reached only their knees, though on the Bhadrans dragged the ground. Finally she stood back and wiped her eyes. "You look good," she reassured them softly. Teal'c nodded, and Daniel thought he approved.

After a few minutes, Kundunbigala-bik led them to the funeral pyre, putting Evu and Praaba on one side of him and Jack and Daniel on the other. He said, "Even the gorgeous royal chariots wear out; and indeed this body too wears out. But the teaching of goodness does not age, nor does goodness itself."

He stepped back and looked calmly at Praaba and Evu. Daniel saw they were very near tears, the most upset he'd seen them since he'd first told Evu.

It was utterly silent. The thin, cold air was hard to breathe; he was tired, tired beyond words; and felt a pressure in his chest that was not just the result of the atmosphere and weather. He looked at the general by his side, his kind face sad although he stood at attention, trembling in the icy air. Beyond the general stood Skaara, his robes wrapped tightly around him, even covering his mouth. Skaara was weeping, and the sight of his tears brought Daniel even closer to his own grief.

On his other side stood Jack, also at attention. He'd put on his sunglasses, despite the dark, and Daniel knew what that meant. He was hiding his emotions. For Jack was, despite his reserve and training, a man of powerful emotions, who felt things deeply and rarely let them go. He touched Jack's hand lightly, and Jack squeezed his fingers before releasing them.

Behind them were Sam and then Teal'c, Sam now openly weeping and Teal'c's eyes shining in the low light.

There was a sudden flash, and Daniel realized that Praaba was lighting the pyre. She handed the torch to Evu, who also lit the pyre. Shanshi and Beru and the others scattered flowers over Suryodaya's body, and as they began to burn, Daniel smelled their sweet fragrance, enhanced by the heat, mingled with the scent of the accelerant, the fabric she'd been wrapped in, and her body itself. Teal'c held his fist over his chest, and Sam, Jack, and the general simultaneously saluted her.

The fire consumed Suryodaya's body quickly, more quickly than Daniel thought possible. He grew warm as he stood there, warming himself as his friend vanished. Sound didn't carry well in the thin air, but he could hear the flames snap and hiss, and he tried not to focus on what they were eating. They blurred before his eyes, and he wanted nothing more than to lie down and sleep.

When at last the fire began to burn out, Kundunbigala-bik spoke again:

"As a flame blown out by the wind  
Goes to rest and cannot be defined,  
So the enlightened person freed from selfishness  
Goes to rest and cannot be defined.  
Gone beyond all images --  
Gone beyond the power of words."

Until the flames were completely gone, no one spoke or moved again. Only then did Praaba begin to cry, gasping hopeless tears that made Daniel physically ache for her. Evu held her tightly, and then the members of her rusocomia circled around her, touching her back, her head, her hair. Jack turned abruptly and walked away, back toward the waiting jitney. Daniel glanced at the others and then hurried after him.

"Jack," he called softly, and saw Jack hesitate but then continue on. "Jack."

Jack didn't stop walking until he was on the far side of the jitney, out of sight of the others. Daniel was puffing by the time he reached him; he really needed to get out of this thin air. But it was important to be with Jack right now, he knew that.

"Jack," he said when he rounded the front bumper of the jitney. Jack was staring out into the distance, into the white north of Bhadra, away from Harishdadiv and away from the remains of Suryodaya.

Jack didn't speak, didn't look at Daniel, but when Daniel touched his shoulder, he felt Jack relax and heard him sigh. He slid his arm around Jack's waist, and Jack rested against Daniel's strength.

They stood there until they heard the others returning. Only then did Jack look at Daniel, removing his sunglasses so he could more clearly see him in the northern midday twilight. Daniel saw how exhausted Jack was, and something else, some terrible emotion that had gripped him and wouldn't let him go. So Daniel hung on, trying to keep Jack in the here and now and not let him slip back into whatever memories the funeral had churned up.

Then they climbed into the jitney and waited for the others to arrive.

Kundunbigala-bik blocked the doorway, though, studying Jack and Daniel while the others waited behind him impatiently. Daniel could see Skaara trembling with cold, and he stood up to push past Kundunbigala-bik, who said, "A moment."

"What do you want?" Jack asked him tiredly.

Daniel remembered that Kundunbigala-bik had asked them to do something after the funeral. "What is it?" he asked, glancing at Jack and then the general.

After a brief silence, Prajnaparamita-bik answered. "Kundunbigala-bik has asked that you sit tushhaara, to go to the glaciers. There is a shelter there. It has no name, but travelers visit it. We would have you ask each other's forgiveness there."

Daniel felt himself blushing, and saw Jack's face redden, too. He was too apprehensive to look at the general, but Sam's eyes filled with tears again.

"This is good," Skaara said softly. Jack hung his head. Daniel felt utterly naked before his friends. "Afterwards you will come home with me, yes, my brothers?"

There was a silence, and then Praaba said, "Will you do this thing for me? For Suryodaya?"

Daniel looked at Jack, whose molars appeared to be in danger of shattering. After a moment, Jack met his eyes, and shrugged.

Daniel turned to the others. "We will do as you wish. But --" He bit his lip. "It's cold out there."

Prajnaparamita-bik smiled. "You will be well. The robes will keep you warm, and the shelter is a good place."

Daniel stood up, and stepped out of the jitney. Praaba smiled up at him, and Evu hugged him fiercely, weeping against his chest, turning the white robe transparent with his tears. At last, he released him into Skaara's arms. "Go, my brother," he whispered, his dreadlocks tickling Daniel's nose. "Then come home to us."

General Hammond said, "That's a very good idea, Skaara. I'll make it an order."

"Thank you," Skaara said, and leaned back to look at Daniel, one eyebrow raised. Daniel ducked his head.

"Oneel?" he called over Daniel's shoulder, and Jack stepped out. He was red from the cold and embarrassment, the white robe emphasizing his ruddy skin. Skaara embraced him, resting his head against Jack's shoulder, and Daniel saw he was whispering into Jack's ear. Jack nodded several times, and patted Skaara on the back, then lightly stroked his hair.

"We'll go," Jack said to them all, and Daniel felt himself relax. He didn't know where they were going, or why they were going there, but it felt right.

Sam hugged Daniel, kissing his cheek, before quickly hugging Jack and then stepping back to Teal'c. He rested his hand on Daniel's shoulder and squeezed before nodding regally at Jack.

"Take care of yourselves, gentlemen," the general instructed them, and they climbed aboard the jitney and out of the bitter air.

Daniel stood nearer to Jack, waiting for whatever would come next. "Thank you," Praaba said, and Evu helped her board the jitney, along with the others of their rusocomia.

Only the Elders remained, watching them impassively. "You will walk north," Kundunbigala-bik said calmly. "You will find a stupa; do you know this word? A holy place. Beyond it you will find the shelter. Stay the night, and then as long as you need to."

"How do we get back?" Jack asked him; Daniel thought he sounded tense.

Kundunbigala-bik shrugged. "You walk, yes?"

"Here," Shariputra-bik said, and handed them what looked like surgical masks. "To help you breathe."

Daniel pulled his on and immediately felt better; he wondered if the mask pulled more oxygen out of the atmosphere, or just warmed the air he was breathing. Whatever, he was happy to have it over his mouth. Jack was still holding his; he took it from Jack and fit it over his nose and mouth. "Thank you," he told Shariputra-bik, looking over his shoulder at him.

Prajnaparamita-bik said, "You must be gentle with each other, and with yourselves." She bowed slightly, and entered the jitney.

Shariputra-bik said, "You must be honest with each other, and with yourselves." He bowed, and also climbed the steps into the jitney.

Daniel waited for Kundunbigala-bik to offer his advice, but he just stood there watching them, a half-smile on his face. It occurred to Daniel how very peaceful it was to be near Kundunbigala-bik, how he inspired a trust in him that was alien to Daniel's experience.

"No advice for us?" Jack said, startling Daniel.

Kundunbigala-bik smiled more broadly. "Oh, oh, yes. I am known for my advice, however unwanted." Daniel smiled back at him. "You have taken the life of a peripatetic, I see. Traveling through the galaxy to enlighten others as to the nature of god, to free them from slavery and oppression."

"No," Jack protested. "It's not like that at all. I'm a soldier. Our standing orders are to locate technology that will help us fight the Goa'uld." Daniel frowned, but didn't interrupt. "We're not --" Jack paused, and the silence stretched on.

Kundunbigala-bik said, "You're not what, Jack-bik? A good person? Is your vas'techa a good person?"

"Of course he is. But he isn't military. He isn't a killer."

"And you are?"

"Yeah. It's what I do. I'm good at it."

"Jack," Daniel said softly, but Jack shook his head.

"I met Daniel on a suicide mission. I was gonna blow up an entire world. Skaara's world."

"But you did not. Skaara is here. His world is still there."

"Yeah, well. Daniel kinda talked me out of it."

Kundunbigala-bik studied them for another moment. Then he said, "The Cloud Messenger carried out the request. The message was given to his beloved, who waited for him. These are things you must think on as you sit tushhaara: the nature of love. The nature of freedom. The nature of suffering. And the nature of time." Then he climbed into the jitney, and it pulled silently away. The interior glowed slightly, so Daniel could see the others' faces growing smaller, watching them, until they were alone in the empty north of Bhadra.

"Well, that was weirder'n fuck," Jack said, his voice muffled by the mask, and Daniel agreed with him. They stared into the north, and then looked at each other. "Why're we doin' this?"

Daniel shrugged, and started walking. It occurred to him that they had neither food nor water with them, and for a moment, he considered suggesting they follow the jitney, but of course he kept walking north. Jack swung into step next to him, as he had on a hundred different worlds. "Why is it," Daniel asked, "that no matter where we go, we end up walking?"

"I've often wondered that. Listen, did you understand anything that guy was saying? The cloud messenger? The nature of love? What the shit is that tushie thing?"

Daniel smiled to himself and felt better. Somehow, walking like this, like they did so often, made him feel more at home on this world. He supposed the masks they wore were helping, too. "The cloud messenger is from a story Kundunbigala-bik told me. About a man who was exiled from his lover, who asked a cloud to let her know -- or him know, I suppose -- anyway, to let his lover know that he still loved and thought of him. Her. Whatever."

"He asked a cloud."

"Yeah. It's a metaphor. There aren't any clouds or rain on Bhadra."

"Metaphor. Hunh." Jack kicked at a rock, knocking it a few yards ahead of them. Daniel reached it first and kicked it, too, and they proceeded northwards, playing a Bhadran version of kick-the-can. "Metaphor for what?" Jack finally asked, so long afterwards that Daniel had to think for a minute what they'd been talking about.

"Um. Not sure, really. But I think the moral to the story was to let your lover know you love him." He stopped and looked at Jack, who also stopped and twisted back. "I love you," Daniel said, and realized he could count on one hand the number of times he'd said that.

"I know," Jack said, and Daniel thought he sounded shy.

"Good." They started walking again, and Jack found another rock to kick, and on they went, Daniel's heart lighter than it had been in weeks. "So where are we going, anyway?"

"Shit, I was hoping you knew."

They looked at each other, striding along all alone on an alien planet, wearing the white mourning robes of Harishdadiv but no backpacks, no radios, no canteens, nothing but their white masks. Daniel started to laugh, but Jack looked cross.

"I guess we keep walking then," Daniel said; nothing else they could do. He looked around him with interest. "I don't think I've ever been this far north before."

"On Bhadra? Or anywhere?"

"Anywhere."

There weren't a lot of trees on Bhadra. They knew that from their journey through the thirteen great cities. Up here, the land was flat and stony, the soil crunchy with frost. The sky was a very pale blue, tinged with high, very thin clouds of pale yellow and pink fading into lavender.

"What's that?" Daniel asked, pointing ahead of them. Jack stared into the distance, then shook his head. They kept walking, eyeing it suspiciously. Daniel thought it look like a low wall, except it glittered in the dim light of this very northern day.

"Good god," Jack said suddenly. "It's a glacier."

"Hey," Daniel said, pleased. "The place we're supposed to go is on a glacier." They strode on more briskly, and Daniel noted that the low light was fading already. He wondered how cold it would get at night, and whether the robes would protect them.

"You never explained what the tush was," Jack reminded him.

"Tushhaara. Well, I'm not sure. It sounds like the Sanskrit word for 'ice.'"

"We're supposed to sit on the ice?"

"I doubt that. I guess we'll see."

Daniel could see the glacier now. To his surprise, it still looked like a low wall, of dirty ice and snow. It created an abrupt boundary they had to step up on. "Wonder how far below ground level this extends?" Jack murmured, and Daniel stepped more carefully.

The elevation rose swiftly once they were on the ice, and Daniel found himself panting with exertion. The air, even through the mask, was so dry and thin that he felt a bit light-headed. He looked behind them and was surprised to see only more ice. What a strange world. What a strange moment in his life.

Then Jack elbowed him and he looked ahead, at what had to be the stupa, a cairn of stones obviously carried here, since only ice surrounded them. The stupa was about waist high, perhaps five feet in diameter. Beyond it was the shelter, a low roughly rectangular structure. Like Harishdadiv, it looked grown, as if someone had planted something that had developed into a ski hut. He smiled at the notion, and then looked down at the stupa. Jack was also staring at it.

"What're we supposed to do?"

Daniel shrugged. "Let's get out of the cold."

The shelter was smotheringly warm after their long walk across the ice. The air smelt richer and wetter, and Daniel began to believe the shelter itself really was a living thing, creating its own environment. There was a tap, too, and a cup hanging from it; he drank down the icy water greedily, then splashed his face with it before relinquishing the cup to Jack.

"How do you suppose this place is heated?" he asked, looking around them. A stack of blankets in one corner, an open cupboard with bags and boxes of things. Foodstuff, probably, and he wondered if he could figure out how to cook it. And that was all.

Jack didn't answer, so he twisted his head back to look at him. He looked exhausted, grey with fatigue. Daniel went to the blankets and spread two out on what he thought was a sleeping platform. "Come on," he said quietly, and Jack came to him, sighing heavily. Daniel helped him with his boots and loosened the waistband of his trousers, then laid him back and drew more blankets over him. "Just sleep, Jack," he said, and kissed him. Jack closed his eyes.

Daniel sat next to him and watched for a while. Jack was a decade older than him, and had had a difficult life, far more difficult than Daniel had, he thought. If only life would let him rest and recover. And maybe it would. Maybe that's why Kundunbigala-bik had sent them here. After a while, Daniel quietly crawled away and stared at one of the bags in the cupboard, working out the letters.

They blurred beneath his hand, however, and he had to wipe his eyes on his shoulder. His life was in pieces, parceled out by loss: his parents, his career, his wife, his time on Abydos, his time in the SGC, his time with Jack. Each piece distinct and separate from the prior one. When would this piece snap in two, as all the others had? When would he lose Jack?

He grabbed his discarded jacket and stuffed it under his head as he lay down. He'd figure out the food later.

~ ~ ~

Jack woke to Daniel's adenoidal snoring. He was curled up on the floor, his SGC jacket wadded up as a pillow. Jack wondered why he hadn't come to bed with him, a flash of panic that subsided just as quickly. What mattered was that Daniel was resting, not where he was resting.

He looked around the shelter approvingly. Very simple, very spare -- like his cabin in Minnesota in some ways, except no fireplace and no lake outside the back door. But isolated and quiet and restful to the spirit, a quality he very much needed right now, and knew that Daniel did, too. Thank you, Kundunbigala-bik, he thought.

His stomach growled, and he scooted over to where Daniel slept, looking over him at the contents of the cupboard. One of the bags had been disturbed, probably by Daniel, so he pulled it out and stared into it. A powdery flour-like substance that smelled good, a little bit like a sharp cheese. Just add water?

Daniel sighed and rolled onto his back, his eyelids fluttering. Jack set down the bag and bent over him, kissing his scratchy jaw. "Mmm," Daniel said, and smiled without opening his eyes. Jack kissed his mouth, which opened obediently to him, and Daniel wrapped his arms around Jack's shoulders, pulling him down so he lay practically on top of Daniel. God, this felt so good, so amazingly good, to be desired by another. What a shock, that anybody could still desire me, Jack thought: grey-haired, bad knees, ready for the glue factory. Yet Daniel did, his body surging up against Jack's, his legs spreading to make room for Jack.

"I love it when you open your legs to me," Jack whispered to him, and Daniel shuddered powerfully. "I want to fuck you." Daniel moaned, and wrapped those long legs around Jack's hips, rocking up against him. This was the most contact they'd had in weeks, and Jack couldn't be bothered to remove his clothes or Daniel's; he just wanted Daniel's warm body pressed as tightly to his as they could fit. He came like a rocket, delighted not to have to stifle his roar of triumphant completion, and Daniel cried out, too, grasping Jack's shoulders so tightly he knew he'd wear the bruises.

"Oh my god," Daniel said when he caught his breath, and Jack kissed him again. He was sweaty and sticky and very pleased with himself. "God, you couldn't even let me get my pants off? At least get off me, so I can clean up." Jack started to laugh, but had to agree. If he hadn't been in such a hurry, he wouldn't be such a mess now, without any clean clothes to change into. For crying out loud, he scolded himself, as he peeled off trousers and briefs. But really, he secretly thought it was worth it, and from Daniel's flirtatious looks, he knew Daniel did, too.

"Wow," he finally said. "I'm hungry." And they started to laugh again.

Turned out you did just add water to the floury stuff and it became a pretty tasty gruel they spooned up hungrily. Then Daniel found a kettle and a teapot and boiled up some of the overly-sweet and slightly greasy Bhadran tea. Jack found what he thought might be a griddle and studied it while he drank the tea, looking for an on switch. "Here," he grunted, and set it down quickly as it almost instantly glowed red. To his surprise, Daniel poured out some of the gruel and made griddle cakes, and they ate a second meal right then. Jack realized he was hungry for the first time in a long while, and decided to let Daniel stuff him with everything he could figure out on the shelves.

At last he lay back on the bed again, just wearing socks and a tee shirt, and watched Daniel tidy up. "Come here," he said roughly, and Daniel smiled at him.

Kumbaya-bik was a pretty smart guy, Jack decided, buying them some time alone like this. Then Daniel went down on him and he thought no more that day.

It was weird being so far north, Jack thought, sipping another one of the endless cups of tea Daniel handed him. Mostly it was night, although there were a few hours of daylight during which the sun wandered along the horizon, a dim red glow suffusing the icy landscape. The shelter was so warm they could sit side by side in the doorway and stare out, their backsides toasty even while their feet froze. The atmosphere was thicker inside, too, so there was a steady breeze of warm air escaping over their shoulders. Daniel thought the shelter was alive, some kind of tree perhaps. Whatever. Jack liked it, and wished his cabin were as comfortable.

But during the long nights, they remained indoors, lying curled up together, talking or not talking, just being together. Jack would stroke Daniel's body, staring at him in amazement. Sometimes Daniel would read a small book he'd found stuffed into his jacket pocket. Jack never asked what. He just watched, and rested, and recovered. He lost track of time for the first time in his adult life.

One night as they settled together under the blankets, he said, "Remember that Praaba asked us to do something."

"Yes. To be members of her rusocomia."

"Of course you'd remember." He kissed Daniel's temple, and stroked his hair. So soft, even cropped short like this. He kissed him again, feeling ridiculously tender. "So it would make us family, too."

Daniel turned his head away from Jack, and Jack realized he was overcome with emotion. "Yes," he finally whispered.

"Then we'll do it."

Daniel nodded.

When the sun peeked above the horizon the next day, they cleaned up the shelter as best they could, pulled the white mourning robes back on, and wore the masks. Jack had fiddled around with them and decided they extracted oxygen and moisture from the air more efficiently than their noses, mouths, and lungs could. Clever things that NASA would find more than useful, he decided, and wondered if the Elders would permit them to bring them back to earth.

They stopped at the stupa for a while. Daniel patted it as if it were a big dog, and said, "The Elders told us to meditate, remember? On the nature of love. The nature of freedom. The nature of suffering. And the nature of time."

Jack nodded, and sighed through the mask, so his breath whistled a bit as it escaped. "You know what, buddy? We think about that shit too much as it is."

Daniel straightened and looked at Jack; he could see that Daniel's eyes were crinkled with a smile. Then they started the walk back.

To their surprise, a jitney was waiting for them, not far from Sury's funeral pyre. They stopped there for a while; the ashes were completely cold now, all trace of Sury gone. Gone, gone, gone beyond, gone completely beyond, Jack thought. Then they boarded the jitney and let it take them home to Suryodaya's rusocomia.

All the members were there, as were General Hammond, Skaara, and the rest of the team, so there was some shuffling to make room for everyone, but Jack was glad of the bustle; it made a nice change from the days of silence and snow they'd just shared.

When they'd last been here, they had asked Suryodaya to come with them to Abydos. He and Daniel had spent their nights making love, and their days helping the members of the rusocomia with their tasks. Now, the quotidian had been put aside for three days, Prajnaparamita-bik explained quietly. "This is to help the survivors mark the time between then and now." The house was lit only with candles, and all food was brought in by friends and neighbors.

"What's going on?" he asked Carter when he finally figured out that things were different. She gave him a look and then led him to the back of the rusocomia, a kind of indoor garden.

"I think they've been waiting for you and Daniel," she finally said, hitching her hip against a counter lined with potted plants. She studied Jack, and he felt himself flush a little under her scrutiny. "There's another ceremony coming, and they wanted you here for it. So we've been waiting."

Jack wandered to another tree growing right out of the floor, apparently one of the structural supports of the building. He touched it gently; the bark was pale and thready. "Ceremony, hunh," he said noncommittally.

"Where did you and Daniel go, sir?"

He shrugged, not turning to face her. "Up on the ice. A little cabin. We were, uh, supposed to meditate."

"Did you?"

He shrugged again, and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Kinda."

The silence grew between them, but not an uncomfortable one. She was still his 2IC, and still a friend. A friend to Daniel, too. At last he turned around. "Was there something you wanted?"

"Um." Carter at a loss for words wasn't something he'd run into very often. He watched her closely. She shrugged. "I kind of had a talk with the general."

"About?" She bit her lip and looked away, her wide eyes glittering in her pale face. "Carter, spit it out."

"The ceremony. I'm assuming it'll be the same one. With the water and stuff."

"More kissing."

"Yes, sir. I think so."

"You told Hammond what to expect."

"He knew. He'd read the reports, and heard our debriefing." Jack continued to stare at her until she said, "I told him it could be -- overwhelming. That he might not really . . ."

When she didn't continue, Jack asked, "Your point?" But Jack was being disingenuous. He knew what the point was. The point was that she knew how he felt about Daniel. Apparently the entire planet did. And now Hammond would know. "You think --"

"I was just looking out for you, sir," she snapped, and turned bright red.

"I get that, Carter. And I appreciate it." The hell I do, he thought. Then, hesitantly, he asked, "Did the, uh, what did the general say?"

At last she looked into his eyes and smiled. "He said he assumed the experience would be as overwhelming for him as it was for us the first time, and that he doubted he'd be able to pick out any one person's thoughts."

Jack sighed, and nearly rolled his head back in relief, but caught himself just in time. "Probably true. God knows it was true for me."

"And me, sir."

"Anything else?"

"No, sir. Just wanted to, to bring you up to speed."

"Thank you, Major." They studied each other a few seconds longer, and then she led the way back to the main part of the rusocomia, the noise growing around them, and finally into the kitchen where everyone, the general included, was working.

"Thought there wasn't to be any cooking?" Jack said to Shanshi, kneading bread yet again.

"Not cooking," she pointed out, and he realized that technically she was correct. She was kneading raw dough, presumably to be baked elsewhere. The general, Evu, and Skaara were wiping glasses and setting them out. Beru was ferrying pots of greenery and vases of flowers in and out of the kitchen. Teal'c was reaching into the top shelves for Praaba, bringing down platters and plates. Daniel was nowhere in sight.

Since everything seemed to be under control without his help, he wandered back through the winding corridors and into the small bedroom he was sharing with Daniel. It was tiny, not much bigger than a closet, but at least they could be alone here. Their packs had been waiting for them when they'd arrived, along with a pitcher of water and a single flower lying on the bed.

Where he found Daniel, on his side, facing the wall, reading quietly. He knelt on the bed behind him, and then lay down, wrapping his arms around Daniel and spooning his knees up behind. He kissed the back of Daniel's neck, and heard him sigh.

"What ya doin'?"

"I was reading," he said, and anyone overhearing them might have thought that Daniel was annoyed at being interrupted. But Jack knew better. So many years together had made them almost telepathic, often speaking the same words at the same moment. Jack knew Daniel had needed to get away from the intensity of emotion in the kitchen, and he knew that Daniel was pleased Jack had sought him out. He hugged him tighter, and felt Daniel's arm go over his, and Daniel's fingers twined with his.

"What's going to happen next?"

Daniel rolled in his arms until he could face Jack. "People coming over tonight. Bringing food and stuff. I think it's like a wake. We'll talk about Suryodaya."

He sighed. Not something he was much good at; for one thing, it reminded him too much of the wake he'd held for Daniel, all those years ago, when he'd been lost to Nem. But he'd do it for Sury. She was a good woman, and she deserved to be remembered. Hell, he'd swing from the chandeliers if that was the custom.

Suddenly Daniel said, "I feel a strange _nostalgie de la boue_." He looked up at Jack and smiled ruefully. "From a poem." Jack nodded.

Things Jack knew about Daniel: He spoke French when he was sad. He quoted poetry when he was sad. If he was doing both . . .

If he was doing both, it was only to be expected. Jack rested his head against Daniel's shoulder. There was nothing he could say or do.

After a while, they rose and straightened their clothing and hair. Jack rubbed his jaw, wondering if he should shave again, but Daniel put his hand over his and smiled. They left for the others, Daniel's hand on the small of Jack's back all the way into the kitchen.

"Jack-ba, Daniel-maadhi," Praaba said when she saw them, and setting down a platter of tidbits came to them, standing on her toes to hug them, one arm around each. "I am so glad you are returned." Daniel kissed her cheek while Jack watched affectionately. Daniel was so shy, yet here, among these people, he seemed comfortable, even relaxed.

"What can we do, Rani-di?" he asked her.

"Oh, oh, we are ready to sit, yes?"

Evu came up behind her and put his arms around her. "Yes, Rani-di. We are all ready now."

The kitchen had been transformed in their absence. Another table had been brought in and set up, round and oblong plates stretched up their centers, chairs ringing them. Candles glowed from the tables, the counters, the window sills where they were mirrored in the windows and glasses and bottles of champagne, doubling and redoubling their warmth. Strangers were milling about, too, and Jack felt oddly shy in front of them, although they smiled at him and called him by name.

Beru said, "Please, everyone, it is time."

Evu said, "George, will you sit here?" and indicated the head of one of the tables. Hammond smiled and took his seat, so the others followed. Evu sat at the end of the other, perpendicular to the table where Hammond sat. Praaba took Jack and Daniel's hands and led them to Evu's table, seating Daniel to Evu's right and Jack next to him before seating herself to Evu's left. Carter and Teal'c sat near the general, and the others filled in, neighbors and friends along with the members of the rusocomia that Jack had already met.

At last they were all seated. Jack's mouth was dry; he felt nervous. Daniel slid his hand under the table and then onto Jack's knee, a silent comfort. He sighed and tried to relax. Whatever would happen would happen.

He had wondered idly if the Elders would attend this ritual, but apparently not. Evu stood and carried the pitcher of fossil water to Hammond's table, pouring each guest some in the ceramic mugs that Daniel had had brought from earth, then everyone at Jack's table, too. At last he sat.

In the past, lighting of candles had been part of the ceremony, but they were surrounded by a small sea of burning candles already. Instead, Evu said, " What isn't given is lost. My mother was a wonderful person. She could be short-tempered, and she had little time for the softer sciences, like history and cultural studies. But she loved me, loved many people. Let us not lose her." He raised his cup and everyone followed suit, raising their cups high. For a long moment, there was silence, and then Evu drank down his fossil water. Jack didn't hesitate and swallowed his in one gulp.

When he set his cup down, he watched as Evu leaned to his left and kissed Praaba. Candelight gleamed in the tears on their faces. Praaba turned to Beru next to her and kissed him, and he turned to the stranger seated next to him. Around the table the kisses flowed until Jack turned to Daniel.

Daniel had removed his glasses, and his eyes glittered with unshed tears for Suryodaya. Jack felt Hammond's eyes on him, and he blushed, but leaned forward to press his lips against Daniel's, so familiar, so forbidden. Daniel kissed him back, tilting his head slightly, and his lips soft beneath Jack's. They sighed and slowly pulled back. Even more slowly, Daniel turned away and, after a hesitation, kissed Evu.

Then Evu stood and again walked to General Hammond. To Jack's surprise, he kissed the general, who blushed so hard even his scalp turned red, but obediently turned to his left and kissed Carter. Jack watched as the kiss moved around their table, too, solemn and slow as an ancient dance. When Shanshi, who sat on the general's right, had finally kissed Hammond, Evu held out his hand to the general, who uncertainly took it, and then stretched out his other hand to Praaba.

Jack tried to prepare for this. He remembered it, sort of; as often as he'd participated in this ritual, he could never quite remember all of it. Something would slip away, some emotion he couldn't recall, some thought he couldn't retain; always there was the feeling of something on the tip of his tongue. Apprehensively, he took the hand of the woman next to him and then, after an anxious gaze into Daniel's face, his hand. At last, Daniel took Praaba's.

Oh, that, Jack remembered, and closed his eyes.

He wasn't sure what he was hearing. Daniel had suggested it was blood moving through their veins and arteries, or air through their lungs. A rushing noise, not unlike the train had made. A pulsing, rocking, rushing noise he found comforting. Then the hair on his forearms stood up and his skin tingled. He shivered and gasped and then

too much, this is too much, I'm too old for this, I've outlived my wife by far too many years

maybe the water in conjunction with the barometric pressure and relative humidity and maybe it has something to do with the pH levels of the soil the food is grown in

Samantha. Samantha. Samantha

miss her more than I can bear, cannot bear the empty place in my heart

Rani-di is still here with me, not alone, not really, not yet

Jack, Jack, Daniel thought

and Jack opened his eyes and gasped for breath. Around the two tables, people straightened up, took deep breaths, dropped hands. Evu stood for a moment more, continuing to hold both Hammond's and Praaba's hands before releasing them to open the first bottle of champagne.

Jack looked at Daniel. They still held hands, right there on the table, in front of all. Whose thoughts had he shared? Whose feelings? Who missed his wife so badly, who longed for death, for peace? But Daniel had been filled with thoughts of Jack. He smiled at Daniel, squeezed his hand, and finally released it.

Wait a minute, he thought, and looked at the other table. Teal'c met his eyes steadily and Jack grinned at his friend. Well, what'd'ya know about that.

Then he let himself look at Hammond, who was drinking down the champagne as if it were more water, and Sam, who glowed like the candles, and Teal'c, again, who seemed to be his usual imperturbable self.

And at last he looked at Daniel, who was watching him carefully, a small smile on his face. "Hey," he said, and Daniel nodded, then handed him a glass of champagne.

"To us," he said, and Jack lifted his glass in agreement, lightly touching it to Daniel's before drinking it down. It fizzed only slightly more than the fossil water had, and he felt a sense of completion and companionship settle through him.

The wake or whatever it was continued on around them, but Jack felt in the still center of Bhadra's north pole, silent and quiet while the rest of the world spun around him and Daniel. His center, his home, he thought, embarrassed to be so mushy, but it was true. It was true.

He looked again at his boss, but Hammond was watching Carter and Teal'c, smiling at them with their heads together. Skaara filled Hammond's champagne glass, and the general smiled up at him, too, and then his eyes fell on Jack.

For a moment, they just stared at each other. Then he raised his glass to Jack and nodded, saying something to Skaara, who quickly brought the bottle to Jack.

"The good general wishes you to drink up, Oneel," Skaara said, smiling at him. "But I say you must not get drunk."

Jack raised his eyebrows; when had he started taking orders from this kid? But he only said, "Hey, it's Daniel who's the cheap date."

"Danyel, my brother," Skaara said, emptying the champagne bottle into Daniel's glass. "This is better than the hooch we make on Abydos, yes?"

"Oh, oh, yes, good brother. Much better."

"We will learn this, too. I will ask Praaba." Skaara marched off, his dreads whirling, leaving Jack and Daniel alone in the noise again.

"Quite the entrepreneur," Jack said, and leaned back in his chair. "How ya holdin' up?"

Daniel sighed, and took a sip. "Fine. I'm fine. You?"

"Fine." They exchanged knowing glances, and Jack relaxed even further into the familiarity of Daniel's presence. How had he lived without this? How could he ever again? What would he do if it had been Daniel who'd died instead of Sury?

His face betrayed him, because Daniel rested a hand on Jack's shoulder. "It wasn't your fault." Jack shrugged, and Daniel lightly shook him. "What's going on?"

"Nothin'. Just." He sighed again, and looked around him. Even Praaba was smiling, holding Evu's hand, a full wine glass in the other. "Really. It's nothin'."

When he looked back, Daniel was smiling fondly at him, and Jack knew his prevarications were for naught. He rolled his eyes, pretending exasperation, but in fact pleased by how well he was known.

"What was that French poem you were saying earlier?" he asked, changing the subject. Daniel smiled even more.

"I have a better poem for you. More fitting to the circumstances."

"Well? You gonna tell me?"

"Yes. Um, yes, I will." He took another sip of champagne, and sat up straighter, looking carefully into Jack's face. "It's from the Sanskrit. Very old."

"Perfect for me," Jack muttered, and Daniel gave him a look.

"As I was saying, very old. But given that we're drinking fossil water from ceramic mugs, I think it works." He hesitated, and then said very quietly, "It also fits how I feel about you."

Jack felt himself color again, and damned his Celtic heritage. He smiled at Daniel. "Can't wait."

Daniel paused for nearly a minute, turning the glass around his hand, studying the slope of the gleaming effervescent liquid inside. Finally he raised his head and said softly to Jack:

"When he comes back  
to my arms

I'll make him feel  
what nobody ever felt

everywhere  
me  
vanishing into him

like water  
into the clay of a new jar."

Jack was stunned, with pleasure and fear. That was exactly right, exactly how he felt, that he would vanish into Daniel, be absorbed by him. That he _wanted_ to be absorbed by him, in a way he never had by any lover. Each time they parted, the universe might choose to separate them forever. God's been pretty cruel to me, Jack thought: He's taken my son, my wife, even Daniel for a while. Eventually He would take me, too, or Daniel permanently. If Jack were absorbed by Daniel, if he could absorb Daniel, then at least there would be something left. Something to remember.

He was silent before Daniel's wisdom. The cloud messenger, he remembered, who would take the lover's message and bear it like rain across continents and oceans. Who would take his message to Daniel, so far from him? Separated by regulations, by custom, by fears. Sometimes separated by a good piece of the galaxy. By wormhole and by ship, by stargates and transporter rings and the evil that lives in the universe.

It didn't rain on Bhadra. There were no clouds to act as messengers here. Daniel had said the cloud messenger was a metaphor, and Jack understood, at that moment, what he'd meant. There were no clouds here, no messengers to carry his love to Daniel. He had to do that himself.

He leaned across the table and grabbed another bottle of wine, pouring a little in each of their glasses. Daniel looked shy and concerned, obviously worried his poem hadn't been received as he'd hoped. Jack smiled at him, tears blurring his vision, then quickly looked away, embarrassed.

Despite the noise around them, Jack felt sunk in silence. The sense of being the still point in a whirling centrifuge came on him again. Without looking at Daniel, he knew he was moved, profoundly moved. Jack actually was pretty moved himself, he admitted.

At last, Jack forced himself to look at Daniel, who was watching him carefully. "Daniel. That." He swallowed. Be the fucking messenger, he told himself. "I love you," he finally said, his voice raspy with emotion.

"Thank you," Daniel whispered, and Jack nodded. They sat for a few seconds more, and then Skaara returned, scolding Daniel for drinking more, and Evu came, bearing a platter of the cheese and onions Jack loved, and then Hammond leaned over his shoulder to talk about Suryodaya's wish to have liaisons from earth here, and then he was separated from Daniel, across the noisy room, strangers and friends intervening, parting but never severing them. Hours later, exhausted and sweaty, Jack took a gulp of water, fossil water, he realized.

Like water into the clay of a new jar, he thought, and smiled to himself. He couldn't see Daniel, but he felt his presence, just as he had during the ritual. Maybe tonight they could visit the stoom, get away from all this. But right now, it was okay.

It was okay.


End file.
